I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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