I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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