When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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