They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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