cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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