He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
