I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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