Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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