Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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