If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
