SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
