imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
