If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
