Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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