i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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