i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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