is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
