My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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