As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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