that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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