just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
