He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
