Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
