Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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