Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
