How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
