Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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