Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
