I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
