I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
