the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
