I should be sponsored by Trojan
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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