I just threw up on my dentist
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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