do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
