were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
