Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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