Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
