I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
