I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
