The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
