You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
