its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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