it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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