I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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