I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
