jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
