did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
