I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
