how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
