She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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