tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
