I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
