you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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