woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
