yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
why is half of my head shaved?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
