We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just threw up on my dentist
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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