turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
