i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
