you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
