Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
