just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
