so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
