she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
