I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
