I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
