$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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