that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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