I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize