i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
