dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
